I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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