Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
