Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
