There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
