omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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