is your mom at the bar?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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