my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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