So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
