I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
