the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to fling myself into the sun
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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