found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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