Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
