I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
