I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
