i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
