just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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