theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
