So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
