I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
