did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
