I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
