just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
