were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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