he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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