My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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