Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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