I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
