if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
