So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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