and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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