Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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