Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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