thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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