And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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