My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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