the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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