i think my mom watched the whole time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
