she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
