It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
