If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My cat gives me a boner
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
