I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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