I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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