I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize