She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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