I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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