I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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