I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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