remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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