We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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