Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
