Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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