she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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