why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
