I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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