I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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