Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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