I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
