He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
