Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
