i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
