My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
