Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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