Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Randomize