i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
