Your tits are I can't wait for
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
