Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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