What a fucking waste of an outfit
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
