It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
