so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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