I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
