Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
