I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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