Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
