Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
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Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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