I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
