I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
