and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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